My wife cast some light on one of the things men find confusing about women. The most amazing insight she gave me was that women never stop thinking, ever. When they jump from one thing to another, non-sequitur, they just moved from one thinking “box” to another, without notice. She described it as “spaghetti thinking.” Women learned the code eons ago. Listening to a group of women talking at full speed can be dizzying for a man. He has no clue what is happening or what they are saying. The variety of topics, piled together and spoken like confetti, overwhelms the male style of thinking. This is one way women keep secrets from men, they talk about everything; it disguises any one topic.
Hint to women when you want them to understand: Try putting “Bookmarks” in your speech when you talk to men. That way, they might understand that you are not relating one topic with another, you are just switching topics. Example, “Now, about shopping, ……” then, “Oh, I met Joan at the hair salon, and guess what she has been doing……” See how the use of “now” and “oh,” announce a new topic? Try this out on your favorite man.
What women can do for men:
1. Accept that he might be thinking nothing, he has an empty thinking box. You do not.
2. Tell men if you do not need help, you just need a friendly ear. Otherwise, he will try to “fix” your “problems”
3. Announce the context of your next topic of discussion. “That was my day at work.” “Now, about some things I need to shop for.”
4. Use verbal “Bookmarks” when you change topics, men are no good at keeping track of multiple discussions without help.
What men can do for women:
1. Stop what you are doing and pay attention.
2. Ask if she needs your help with anything before going into “fix” mode.
3. Ask clarifying questions about the topic at hand, if you get confused. “Are we still talking about the office?”
4. Explain to her that “multi-tasking” is not one of your strengths, so you need completion before changing discussions.