I follow beautybeyondbones.com, the blog of a young, warm, talented woman who lives in NYC. Sometimes, her ideas are so good, I must borrow them. Her latest article is, “DATING ETIQUETTE FOR THE SOCIAL MEDIA OBSESSED, Posted on January 11, 2018
She recently reentered the dating game, after a long respite. A recent date opened her eyes to what everyone else has known for the last few years: “Romance is a dying art,” because of social media
Why are Millennials waiting longer before marriage and children? How about “smart phones, Snapchat and communicating through emojis?”
She found out that “dating is, frankly, limping along like a squirrel run over by a semi.”
She has resigned herself to the adage, “you’ve gotta date to find out what you don’t want in a partner.”
Guys, Here Are Eight Mistakes to Avoid on Dates. DO NOT:
- Confirm the date and time, but fail to give the specific details until 25 minutes before.
- Let her get there on her own. Do not pick her up or call her an Uber, even if it is raining.
- Fail to mention how nice she looks, even when every man in the bar notices.
- Keep your eyes on ESPN; yell at the TV, like you do with your men friends.
- Keep your phone in your hand all night. Every few minutes, while you are waiting for a reply, tell her she is not second to your technology.
- Tell your date how excited you are to hang out with her. Look up to make eye contact. Then get back to your phone.
- During dinner, tell her how much you have in common. But do not lose contact with your friends: text, Snapchat, Instagram, and Tweet, under the table.
- After three dates, “ghost” to spare her feelings. Farewells are awkward.
Ladies, Here Are Ten Tips for Improving Your Dating Experiences
First, let me admit how little men know about women. We are so used to male company, with all its crass, corny, loud, bad jokes, that we have not had any practice being kind and considerate. Most of the time we are more confused than dishonest. Out of habit, we PRETEND we know, especially when we do not. (Men do this with other men ALL the time.) This applies to every aspect of dating, love, and marriage.
Men are slower than women to mature emotionally. You will notice this when he boorishly banters with his friends, even when you are right there with him. (BTW: The male form of giggling is a loud laugh and a slap on the back, high-five, or fist bump.) This immaturity tends to lessen as men grow up.
Well, not all the time. They say that wisdom comes with age; but I say, sometimes, age comes alone. Anyway, here is my list:
- Date at least a decade older. (You will both feel smarter.)
- Look for someone who needs help with his cellphone.
- Make some ground rules for the time you are together and after. (Yes; yes; no; not so much; maybe; I don’t think so.)
- Do for him what you want from him. (e.g. both phones off, in your purse.)
- Before you agree on a date, ask him how he sees the evening going.
- Get clarification on anything “fuzzy.” Like,”where in Central Park?”
- Add whatever you feel would make it better for you both. (e.g. “can we skip the mimes and statue people this time?”)
- Acknowledge him for each mannerly, gentlemanly, considerate thing he does. (e.g. “I just love it when I do not have to hail a cab.”)
- Be ready to say, with a smile, “ah, ah, ah, ah, that is what I meant when we agreed to (remind him of ground rule.) let us get back on track.” or whatever and however you want to coach him.
- Make allowances for his “empty box.”
You should be aware of something fundamental about men that some women never find out. When they hear of it, they are shocked, perplexed, they find it impossible, yet it pervades the male psyche.
Women have mental “boxes” of things they think about. They jump from one box to the next without ever once stopping, announcing, or explaining what just happened. Women call it “multitasking.” Men call it “What????”
Men have something women do not: an EMPTY box. That is right, when you ask him what he is thinking, and he says “nothing,” he honestly means it. He is not trying to dodge your question, he just went where men go when fishing, to the empty box in his brain.
Women cannot conceive of such a thing. But it is the truth. So, accept it, and make allowances for it – do not badger him out of disbelief.
Now you know that men are as mysterious as women in some ways. That is it. Good luck, you are a fabulous catch for some lucky man.